Bao Loc

Kinda had an awesome day yesterday. On the night of the 1st, I checked out of my hotel and went to stay with Thieu, Phi's boyfriend, for a night. He lived in a house close to my hotel with his parents. It was probably the worst nights sleep I've ever had, since I had to share a really hard bed with him, but we had to wake up early anyway. I made plans with Phi to go to Bao Loc to visit a friend of hers there. We would take a bus at 4 in the morning, and spend the night at her friends house. She brought along a 13 year old girl that she tutors English with named Ngoc. (pronounced "nom")

I got maybe 2 hours sleep at Thieu's; the room was hot, filled with mosquitoes, and having some dude snore half a foot from you didn't help much either. It was actually a pretty bad morning all around, but it more than made up for it when we got there. Getting maybe an hour of sleep, I was foolishly hoping to sleep on the four hour bus ride there. I completely forgot what an absolute nightmare road travel in Vietnam can be, especially on buses designed for locals. The buses aren't actually that bad; they're air conditioned, the seats are kinda cushioned, and the roads are not that bumpy. They seem to get all the big things right, but then they do all these small things to make sure you hate life while going from one city to another. The seats are super narrow, (making the aisle unnecessarily spacious) meaning me and my bus neighbor Thieu are pretty much just jammed in side by side. Not only that, the seats go waaaay back, which may seem like a good thing until the guy in front of me leans it far enough to touch my knees. Then, of course, the driver has to have the stereo blaring Vietnamese pop songs, while liberally blaring the freight train-espe horn literally every two seconds. Everyone on the bus was out like a rock except for me, and I couldn't even read because there was no place to put my bags, which I had somehow managed to put under my legs. By the time I got to Bao Loc I was feeling miserable, and was hoping to get at least a shower, if not a nap, but soon found out that nothing of the sort will happen.

I'm relieved to at least be off the bus when we arrive at Bao Loc around 8 am. I'm tired and cranky, but I try to have a good attitude anyway. We meet Phi's friend Bich, pronounced "bet," and both of them start laughing, since it looks like "bitch." Bich is really nice and kinda hot, so at least that starts off good. We later meet Bich's sister Hien and drop our bags off at her house, which she shares with her parents. Bich works in Saigon, while Hien studies there, so both of them have an apartment in the city, but come home every weekend. We grab breakfast - Pho at a nearby shop - then head out to the Dambri waterfalls, the one major tourist draw of the area. The waterfall is absolutely stunning, 90 meters tall and nestled in the jungle, it's really just amazing. Unfortunately, the Vietnamese have decided to build a theme park around it. The park itself is alright, the main attraction outside of the waterfall is this thing called an Alpine Coaster, this ride where you go down an elevated track through the jungle in small plastic car that you can control the speed of. It's actually probably the most frightening ride I've ever been on since it doesn't really feel safe, there's all these sharp turn with warnings to brake everywhere, but people are behind you racing at you, and if slow down too much, they'll ram you. It was still really fun though, and would highly recommend it. We had a picnic nearby, amid the tall tress of the dense jungle, giving the whole area this Pandorra feel. Going with that theme, I spotted the single largest spiders I have ever seen in my life, who had made these massive webs under the Alpine Coaster tracks nearby our picnic. Trying to be mister funny, I tell Ngoc that she should stand next to the spiders so I can get a picture, thinking she's 13 and she'll just freak out and think I'm crazy. Instead, she gives me a look that says "I thought you'd never ask," and just bolts up and skips right next to one. These things are larger than tarantulas, thick but bony, and intimidating as all hell. Now, I'm the one crapping my pants, while she's giggling two feet with one from her face. I don't even want to be 20 feet from these fucking things, but I cautiously inch closer thinking, "crap, I gotta take this picture now." I try, but I can't get it to quite work. She then starts throwing sandwich bread it's web, and starts squealing with delight when she gets some caught in it. The spider lumbers over and looks like it can just devour it all whole, and I'm getting worried it will now just kill us all. I got some video of it, I'll post later.


They also have this man-made lake, where they have what I soon realized was the worst idea ever for a lake activity. They have these giant plastic hamster ball looking things that look like they let you go across the lake. Don't know why I though that would be fun, (stupid American Gladiators made it look so cool) but I got a ticket to ride one, and somehow ended up in a similar thing, although it was cylindrical, and meant for two people. I ended up going with Han, a friend of Hien's, and later with Ngoc, Phi's student. Immediately, I realized that the whole thing doesn't let you do the two things necessary to make it fun; it doesn't let you travel across the lake at all, and it doesn't let you breath. Within 30 seconds in this claustrophobic mess, me and Han are already tired as hell, spinning furiously but getting nowhere, drifting away from the shore by the wind. We somehow make it back, and all I want to do is get off and get some fresh air, but Ngoc really wants to try, so I have to cowboy up and get back in, since I got everyone excited about it in the first place. Luckily, she was done after 2 minutes, and after it started taking in a lot of water, I got us back to shore, never wanting to do that again.

Afterwards, we rode down to meet up with another of Hien's friends, Hieu. He took us to his farm, which was about 20 minutes from town. It was a really treacherous path, being very much mostly dirt road going through steep hills. I rode on the back of a motorbike with Thieu, and even he was getting worried. Nothing says "you're fucked" more than when Vietnamese people you are traveling with get worried about road safety, since it's a little like Mad Max over here. We make it, and it's essentially the most beautiful place on earth. It's located on this hill, with a view of the entire area. Bao Loc is know for it's tea, which grows everywhere. He takes us around the whole farm in a cart pulled by a tractor, which ended up being like a roller coaster ride.

Later, we went back into town, and had some dinner at a restaurant. Spicy papaya salad, and these grilled pancake type things that looked quesadillas, that were filled with shrimp (I think) and chili sauce. Both were amazing, especially the pancakes. We then went back to Bich's house for more dinner, which her parents prepared. Her mom made this chicken porridge which was OK, and they also a whole chopped up chicken, and these really salty shrimp, which went great with beer. Bich's dad was a really cool guy, and we ended up getting a long really well. He told me he studied in Bulgaria in the 70's, and that I reminded him of this Russian actor he saw while he was there. He also loved the fact that I know the "100% percent" cheers (which sounds like "mon cham fun cham") where when you say it, you have to drink everything in your glass. We ended up doing that a lot, and got kinda wasted.

Night wasn't over yet though, and everyone decided to go to karaoke. We go this really nice club, and rent a room (almost all karaoke here is done in club with a series of private rooms). They do a bunch of Vietnamese song, which unfortunately were all really bad, but they everyone there seemed to have an amazing voice. Then I come along, and do some of the limited English-language songs they had. It ended up being massively fun, and they were all polite enough to applaud when I was finally finished butchering a song. Among other things, I did "Suzie Q," by CCR, letting me do a nice little Apocalypse Now reference at the same time. I even tried to do two Vietnamese songs, which I just tried reading and speaking out the best I could. They claimed I did well, and I did feel I may have nailed a line or two. After that, went to sleep at a house near Bich's, and got to share a bed with Thieu again that was literally nothing more than slabs of wood covered with a think sheet. At this point, I was so drunk and tired, I slept like a log.

This morning, we drove around Bao Loc a little, having breakfast, and then going to this really nice cafe. Bao Loc is actually really charming, and since it is small and has nothing that would attract tourists, I was the only foreigner anywhere. This is good, since you don't have the whole industry that sprouts up wherever tourists are, which consists of extremely annoying people peddling motorbike rides and sunglasses. After visiting a really beautiful pagoda, Bich took us to the bus station, and we said our goodbyes. Phi and Thieu went back to Ho CHi Minh City, and I made plans to meet up with them and Bich and Hien when we all are back in town. I took the bus to Dalat, and just arrived about an hour ago. Checked in at the Phuong Hunh hotel, a really nice place in the center of the city.