3 Day Trek

And so, after Ben and Huyen's wedding, began the best part of my Hanoi trip, the three day trek through the remote countryside of Vietnam. After Nimh Binh, we loaded up the ol' pink "ABC Royal Cruiser" bus, and headed out to Mai Chau, a small town west of Hanoi. It still was home to a fancy tourist lodge, where some of Ben's friends and family decided to stay. Me, my mom, and a handful of others went about a half a mile away to do a stay at a complex of traditional stilt houses. Even though it was clearly built for tourists, it was still a functioning farming village, with locals staying in the houses when they weren't rented out. We had an awesome dinner there, and then went for a bonfire in a nearby field, where we had the choice between having karaoke set up, or seeing a traditional Vietnamese dance preformed for us. We opted for the traditional dance, but the group of drunk Vietnamese college kids right next to us chose the karaoke machine, making for a interesting mix. We had this local wine, which is essentially whole, dried, fermented rice inside these good-sized clay pots. You fill them up with water, and let them sit for an hour, after wich you drink them out out of long bamboo straws. It was pretty good, although weak, but we may have not let the water sit long enough. The traditional dancing was kinda cool, and was concluded with everyone's favorite activity, having to hold hands and dance in a circle, while all the local dancers sang a song praising Ho Chi Minh. Later, Ben's cousin Justin passed out in front of the fire, so Ben decided to prank him and have everyone leave and hide behind some bushes and try to yell his name to wake him up. Huyen decided it would be better if a local went over to wake him, so she asked one of the villagers who was nearby to do so. It was a pretty funny prank, as Justin woke up making a big "Whaaaa?" sound. People could barely hold in laughing as he was scratching his head, wondering where everyone went and why this Vietnamese woman was yelling at him, but he eventually found us. He was a pretty great sport about it all.

We slept on the floor in these stilt houses, although we were given these thin mattress-like things, pillows and mosquito nets. I would have slept really well if it wasn't for the 20 fucking roosters that were all about, which decided that waiting for at least sunrise before they lead a never-ending screeching barrage of rooster calls was just toooooo much to ask for. Breakfast was the absolute tits; awesome crepes with sliced bananas and honey, one of the best breakfasts I've ever had in my life. We found out that the honey was local, and were foolishly unaware of the ominous omen that it would eventually turn out to be. (more on that later) We then started out on a 25 km hike to another village and home stay. This was by far the highlight of the whole wedding program, and probably one of the best thing I've done on my Asia trip so far, up there with the Nepalese monastery. We had a guide lead about a dozen or so of us. There was Ben and Huyen, my mom, Ben's sister Hanna, Ben's cousins Dana and Justin (both brother and sister) the Australians Claire and Simon, their 20-something kids Lily and George (who looked like fucking Greek statues), and my and Ben's friends J.R., Carbone, and Mark Roden.

Everyone on the trip was absolutely awesome, and I was really glad that we ended up with the group that we did. However, I have to take a moment here and single out Mark. I've known Mark for a couple years, working together on Big Brother. I decided to tell my mom before she met him that she might be taken aback by him, since he has a very forward personality and can come off as obnoxious. My mom, being my mom, later had decided, in the infinite wisdom that befalls us when we've downed a bunch of shots of rice wine, to tell Mark I told her this, but I think Mark got that I meant no harm. Either way, Mark - along I would say with my Mom - became the absolute life of the wedding. At the wedding pre-reception, Mark was doing his crazy wedding dancing, getting along with all the kids, teaching them to high-five. My Mom tried not be undone, and became a dancing machine herself, taking an old village woman to the dance floor, who looked about as happy as a person could possibly ever be. Anyway, Mark was busy making all the villagers crack up, and became everyone's best friend there. All along the way, I don't think I've ever seen him more in his element. I even commented to him that he had been "on" for something like four days straight, always cracking people up, but not taking over all the spotlight either. On one of the legs of the bus ride, he ended up telling one of the greatest personal stories I've ever heard, which culminated with him having a dildo-swallowing contest with a stripper at a bachelor party. I hate singling out people on the trip, since everyone was really just cool and fun, but for some reason I gotta tip my hat to Mark on this one. May the "ooooh, you and Mark are now boyfriends" jokes commence

So, back to the hike. 25 km (15 miles) through remote Vietnamese jungles and mountains. We had a guide, who would tell us to wait at a spot several times, wander off into the jungle, but thankfully always come back after figuring out how to go. The whole place was just absolutely beautiful, and I'll put pictures up later. The hike was fairly intense, and while there was always a trail it was definitely steep uphill and down, and we saw many people slipping and busting their ass. (Not me!!!) We would walk past some seriously remote villages, some consisting of just a dozen huts, most of them without access to water, electricity or even roads. We'd even walk through a large chunk of jungle to come across a single hut, probably housing some seriously anti-social Asians, although everyone we came across was super nice. One woman did pester me for money after I took a picture of her, but even she was nice, albeit crazy poor and crazy crazy. We all ended up bonding greatly on the trip, and I even was able to fall behind away from the group and just be by myself for about a half hour. It's hard to describe the experience of standing over a cliff opening up to an expanse of untouched jungle, surrounded by the cacophony of nature, but it was definitely a moment that lets you remember to be thrilled to be alive. One great thing about traveling to amazing places is that you get to be a cliche in a way, saying things that can come off as lame, but knowing that the experience put into words could only hold true meaning for yourself and yourself alone. I don't know how I'll remember this moment, or what I would think when I read this in the future (what's up future me, like hope shit's fucking awesome an' stuff) but even writing it now opens it all back. On a trip like this, with plenty of pit falls and bad experiences, I think it's important to remember the good you get from it all, and to cherish all those moments that you're lucky enough to have your breath taken away by, the reasons we do anything in life that's worth a damn.

One thing the hike taught me is that the Vietnamese are some tough motherfuckers, and they're probably a little curious how we ever gave them a serious fight in the war. We were all huffing and puffing after about a half hour into our trek, each silently complaining about the ever increasing strain their light backpacks were making. (or maybe that was just me) We then would walk past some middle-aged Vietnamese woman hauling 40 pounds of logs strapped to her forehead (yeah, I said forehead), barely breaking a sweat, and still having enough of it in her to just light up with a smile when she walked past us. Life out there meant hard work, and lost of it, the type I think Americans, with all our arrogance and judgmentalism (not a real word, I know, just work with me here people), have clearly forgotten was how the world lived not too long ago. One thing that was interesting was that it seemed like women did all the work in the fields. We even saw a woman plowing a field by hand, which shocked even Huyen, who claimed that this is usually the work of water buffalo. While the women seemed to be the ones tending the land and carrying the fire wood, the dudes seemed to be working on smoking tobacco out of bamboo bongs and just hangin' out. It may have just been a coincidence, or having my Mom nearby be a reminder that I have essentially been raised on a healthy dose of feminist tirades since birth, but I don't think I ever say any male working anywhere on the whole hike. Fucking chauvinists, it's guys like that that make us all look bad, ain't that right ladies.

After 15 miles and eight hours of some of the most memorable scenery I've ever seen, we eventually made it to our village, which luckily was next to a well-paved road, and meant we didn't have to hike back the next day to get back on the bus. It's the journey not the destination grasshopper, and I don't think I felt more relief in my life when I took off my backpack and sat in a chair. I chilled downstairs for a minute and enjoyed a Halida beer, while Ben and some others went upstairs into the stilt house where we'd all be sleeping. I heard someone say something about bees, but didn't realize what they meant until I peeked through a hole in the ceiling that gave me a view of a light bulb upstairs, swarming with hundreds of bees. "I hope people like bees" is what I think Ben said, but I don't think that's funny since bees scare the fucking absolute shit out of me, and don't even joke about it, cuz it's not funny. I got teased after I told people of my bee phobia (it's really a fear of most bugs), with my mom curiously joining in on all the fun. The bees apparently had their nearby hive broken recently, and decided to make the stilt house their new home. They were also attracted to light bulbs, something I've never seen before. I actually was surprisingly fine with it all, and even seemed much less scarred than many other people on the trip. (oh, not so funny when bees are all up in your grill, is it?) Huyen was the only casualty, being not only brave enough to have to sit directly under the light bulb where all the bees were swarming, but also barely making a fuss when one of those fuckers stung her. The bees became a highlight in a weird way, a great joke to bond over, just a great, terrifyingly traumatic experience to bring the whole group togrther. They really should think of releasing hundreds of bees into those corporate team-building retreats, or at least give it a try.

Oh, and this village had mean dogs too. I decided to do a late night stroll through town, but didn't get too far, and just stood out admiring a field that was eerily very well-lit by something in the sky. I could hear all kinds of barking coming from close by, even the sounds of an angry water buffalo. (J.R. had been literally kinda attacked earlier that day by one, and had to be be saved by a villager) On my way back I suddenly could hear a bunch of barking dogs coming closer, so I tried to quickly tried to walk up the path leading to the hut where we were staying at, suddenly realizing one of the dogs was close and coming straight at me from behind. Not the most vicious looking dog, in fact he, like all the other dogs in the village, was kinda cute, but I still was not looking forward to getting bit by any animal in a Vietnamese jungle-village. I quickened my pace, and then suddenly, out of no where, two dogs came running out of the house in front of me. I think, "oh good, I'm gonna get mauled by a pack of adorable dogs," but soon realized these two dogs were coming to my rescue. Luckily, they saw me be invited by the owner, and came to chase off the dog behind me. Thanks bros, I owe you one.

And also, more fucking roosters, the village had a bunch of them too. The bees had gone to sleep before us, but that just meant they were up before us too, so if you weren't woken up by the roosters, the much harder "beds" and pillows, the shaky bamboo floor that shifted below you every time someone turned around in their sleep, you defnitely were awake when you heard the soothingly unique sounds of a bee swarm just a couple feet away. Luckily we had mosquito nets, but of course I had to trade mine out earlier when I saw that I had the one that had bees on the inside of it. Oddly enough, everyone claimed to have very vivid dreams, me included, all being borderline nightmares (mine was being in weird situations involving being attacked by dogs) Breakfast was crepes again, with bananas and - of course - honey, which people seemed to get more serious when they saw.

We headed back, and while were only gone for three days, but it felt like a month. The last night in Hanoi was great, most of us grabbed some beers at a Bia Hoi, which is an open-air bar that's just is a collection of child-sized plastic chairs and some guy giving you ice-cold beers. While these are where most locals go, the one we went to was populated entirely of tourists, but still a lot of fun. We ended up later at a more Western-style bar called Half-Man, Half Noodle, which Ben seemed to like mostly because they had Jenga. Being back in Vietnam was just great, and being able to experience it with my mom was even a good thing, despite the fact that she did drive me nuts a lot. Since it was so well planned it obviously lacked the spontaneity and the same energy of my first trip (it was a little bit "been there, done that" this time around) but I loved it nonetheless. I've been to a couple Asian countries already, yet Vietnam still seems like the one where everything just makes a little more sense to me, and this trip seems to have solidified that bond. I'm looking on going back in about a week, maybe using up the rest of my one-month visa in Ho Cho Minh City for a week or two.